Another Day Another Blog

I was talking with a co-worker today. We were discussing relationships and how do you know you have found the right one. One of my old high school chums recently married her 'soul mate'. They went to senior prom together, went their separate ways and then twenty some years later they found each other again. She describes their relationship as "kindred spirits". That was so mind blowing to me to finally realize that having a feeling like that about someone else might just mean something. If one waited until they had that feeling of 'kindred spirits' or 'souls being at peace with each other' maybe things would be so much better. I know that I can honestly say that I have never had that type of feeling with any of my relationships. A lot of other feelings but never one of my soul being at peace. While chatting today I also remembered something else that had come to me...It was a few (couple; don't remember) years ago and I don't recall if it was while I was just 'praying' or 'talking to God' or if it was during a dream...but anyway...I asked God how was I going to know if the man was the right one and he answered me by saying I would be able to see it in his eyes. I do remember going and looking at pictures of my husband (now deceased); I couldn't look into his eyes because we were separated; so I looked at the pictures to see if I could see anything in his eyes. Really I am not sure because pictures don't really show the eyes good sometimes. But what I do know for sure is that in the couple of relationships I had after that, when I looked into their eyes it wasn't forever that I saw. Maybe I should have just broke it off right at that point. It would have saved everyone...well at least me... a lot of problems. So now that I have remembered that I think I will go back to staring deeply into his eyes (whatever him is around) and if I don't freak him out first maybe I will be able to see something.
Today I also started thinking about why I have that deep need to be in a relationship no matter what. In the past I have sometimes thought that it might have something to do with being adopted and then losing my adopted mom when I was only six. Maybe having that feeling of loss makes me want to hold on to any relationship I have just because I fear being left again. What I have failed time and again to realize is that being in a bad relationship can be far more devastating then being alone. Being in bad relationships has truly cost me my soul at times.
Just a quick update on the boys and then I should be getting to bed.... W is still the same nice guy, saying all the right things today, will be out of prison in a year guy and I am still his 'friend'. I text C this morning just to say have a good day and have not heard anything at all from him. Our mutual friend thinks that it is just because he has been very busy. But hey, I am a busy person too, and can at least find time to say HI. The new J started texting me at like five thirty this morning. Said he was at his homeboys house but every instinct I have tells me that he has a woman. He said that he does have a few women that are sweet on him but no one serious. We had text conversations a couple of times today but the last thing that he said to me was "I will call you tonight". Now I didn't sit by the phone waiting for a call which was a good thing because he didn't call. It would have been no big deal if he hadn't said he was going to call. No big miss on my part, but DUDE, don't say you are going to do something and then not do it. Jeez. ... And my favorite part is that they all say...I am going to keep it real...if you don't want the truth don't ask.... blah blah blah.

Making a list...checking it twice...gonna find out who's a liar or nice...deliteful Dawn is done tonight!